Ten very clever contestants this week! I'll admit that the questions were difficult. And just downright bizarre. I got a good chuckle out of your answers and hope you enjoy reading the funnies you left below. Feel free to post the Challenge on your site if you wish. Now, let's see who tickled my funny bone.
Good luck! (Note: Bud is an invisible competitor in this challenge. See explanation at the end of this post.)
#1 My best assets are my open mindedness and my belief that everyone is essentially good at heart. Luckily, I have no faults but I do sweat a lot when I dance.
Frank: Let me do the math: 'best assets'=no future, + 'no faults'=liar, + 'sweat a lot when I dance'=guilty conscience, therefore just waltz your little tukkas home before I phone the IRS. Don't slip in that pud....Too late.
Bond: My best asset is knowing not to come near you.
Bud: You don’t need a date for that. You need an antiperspirant.
Epiphany: ..and share too much about myself on the Internet...
SGT DUB: It’s not your fault you sweat a lot?
Anyhow: Just between you and me, most people consider sweating while dancing a fault.
Basiorana: Are you sure your best asset isn't your unbridled humility?
Lyn: I think the sweating thing is your faults trying to come out. Its not good for your aura to suppress your faults like that
ThatFrolicsomeKid: How much sweat do you sweat out? I definitely don't want to slip on your puddle of sweat while dancing with you!Uncle Artemus: I dance really slow in the driveway. I'm a very good dancer
2. I dont really know what the problem is. I tried the nice guy approach - that hasn't worked. I tried the treat you like dirt approach - that hasn't worked. I tried doing the whole ignoring you thing - that hasn't worked. I watched the movie What Women Want and you apparently still don't get it.
Frank: Have you tried the Alien approach and just wait patiently until SETI detects your transmission?
Bond: I would like to explain it to you simply. Please look in the mirror. Bye.
Bud: I am shocked that faking your personality (a better word than "approach") didn’t work. And since your entire research project was watching one lousy film, that speaks volumes. I do get it, by the way. It’s you that’s not getting any.
Epiphany: Maybe it's because you're an idiot?
Excuse me sir, Mall Security here, I was wondering why you’re talking to that mannequin?
Anyhow: I tried reading it straight, I tried reading it backwards, I tried watching What Women Want, but they all haven't worked. But apparently, doing the whole ignoring you thing HAS worked.
Basiorana: Well, of course we still don't get what we want! Look at what we have to choose from!
Lyn: No, its you that just don't get it.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: What can you expect? I'm blond!
Uncle Artemus: Have you tried the, get a life, a job, and a personality approach?
3. Hanky Seeks Panky!
Frank: Charmin found $#s (Frank! Shame on you! I had to bleep you out.)
Bond: You seek a clue.
Bud: You are a total moron. Please do not have children, I am begging you.
Epiphany: Did you just blow your nose in that?! (People, please!)
SGT DUB: See Jill Run!
Anyhow: Hanky goes home disappointed.
Basiorana: I think I have the sniffles.
Lyn: So sorry this scooter ain't looking for any pootering. (In the words of a great comedian whom-shall-remain-nameless, "I'd be lying if I said I understood what you just said.")
Skittles: Go use your hankie.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Have you tried Lost & Found?
Uncle Artemus: Wait...so does that mean you want me to blow my nose on you? (Ewwww.........)
4. I'm in the dark. Are U afraid of the dark?
Frank: I guess the money I spent on this taser was a good investment.
Bond: If you are there, I am very afraid.
Bud: I’m afraid only of you in the dark.
Epiphany: Very afraid.
SGT DUB: No, I’ve seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m hopping on that train. (Good one, SGT!)
Anyhow: Not quite. Unless you're still in it.
Basiorana: I am now.
Lyn: No I'm afraid of spiders.
Skittles: I am now.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Where are U? I can't see U! (You're the silliest Kid I've ever not seen.)
UncleArtemus: Be afraid. Be very afraid
5. I am quite accomplished. I invented an equation to measure happiness that multiplies the acres of your land and the number of your trees.
Frank: And which tree are you hiding behind, I've seen Deliverance!
Bond: You see, we will never work out. I believe in the fundamentalist theory that happiness can only be measured by multiplying blades of grass and the number of shingles on your home.Bud: Come right this way. We have the nicest padded room for you.
Epiphany: Wow. Now that is accomplished! What are you going to do when you turn 8?
SGT DUB: Sounds like another tax scheme to me.
Anyhow: I'm sure being able to simple maths must seem like a great accomplishment to a 6 year old. But trust me, there are much harder things out there when you grow up.
Basiorana: Wow! We have so much in common! I invented an equation to measure happiness that divides the acres of land between us by your interest in math degrees.
Lyn: What is it with this math thing, My acreage isn't divisible by five and you can't count my trees.
Skittles: Equate this: you + me = not gonna happen. (I like your math skills, Barb.)
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Sorry, but I don't date geeks.
Uncle Artemus: Interesting. Could you invent an equation for me to measure the velocity of meaningless drivel by multiplying your IQ by the number of live brain cells still rattling around in your head?
6. hi my name is frank and i've been lost for seven years. i lost my love seven years ago and i am thinking that its been time to look for a new love.
Frank: Frank: Oh thank God you woke me up Lola. I was having this nightmare that I was lost for many years on a deserted island without you, and I was looking....Nevermind
Lola: And I bet she had a nice pair of coconuts too. She did, didn't she....Frank...Wake up!!! (Frank....That was almost bleepable. Watch it! Kid is here.)
Bond: Hello Frank, I think I saw your old love at the 7-11. If you hurry you might catch her.
Bud: Did you look everywhere? Did you put posters on telephone polls? (Silly Bud...I'm really trying to ignore you but that was funny! and silly.....)
Epiphany: Hi, Frank. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but...you're still lost.
SGT DUB: I know what you mean, my parents moved when I was 8, when I was 12, I found them. (I'm beginning to worry about you, SGT....)
Anyhow: It took you 7 years to realise that you lost your love?
Basiorana: Don't give up! Have you checked on top of the dryer? (That was just so silly I had to laugh)
Lyn: I really admire the way you don't dwell on the past.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: You mean to develop a new love for punctuations?
Uncle Artemus: Where oh where has Frank's mind gone? Oh where, oh where could it beeee?
7. Someone Who Is Going To Get Lucky. I'm a leo, a tiger, and was born on the cusp of the 186th and 187th day of the Mayan calendar, which is a death day #4 and a deer day.
Frank: And I am a Wicca and this is a pentacle, and this is a cauldron, a little eye of newt, a dash of spider silk, and some snake saliva, and Poof!, you should gracefully disappear.
Bond: Lions and Tigers and Deer…OH MY!
Bud: We hope you don’t mind have a roomy. We’ve got the nicest padded room for you.
Epiphany: Someone Who Is Deluding Himself. (Ha!)
SGT DUB: Now, which one of you should I go out with?
Anyhow: Which planet were you from again?
Basiorana: Lucky, huh? Leos: "Dogmatic and intolerant." Tigers: "React poorly under stress and are prone to emotional outbursts." Mayans: "Oppressed and/or killed off by invading Spanish"... (THAT WAS PRICELESS)
Lyn: You call that lucky?
Skittles: You going to use your left hand or right hand?
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Let me consult my astrologer and I'll tell you whether we are compatible or not. Of course, you pay for my consultation fees first. Money sent via PayPal will do.
Uncle Artemus: That's too bad. I was looking for someone born on the cusp of 189th Death Star #2, an addled gopher day. I think we're just too different to ever be happy together.
8. At first, I wasn't too keen on trying to meet someone this way then I figured this might be a really good way at meeting someone.
Frank: And the winner is...Envelope Please...Your first thought. I'm sorry contestant #8 you should have gone with your first thought
Bond: And if you try and meet someone this way then you wouldn’t have to try and meet someone another way, so meeting them this way is a good way to meet them, don’t you agree? (Oh no, it's contagious)Bud: Are you always this fascinating? (HE HE.....
Epiphany: What changed your mind midsentence?
SGT DUB: . At first I was interested, then I figured I was interested in meeting someone else.
Anyhow: Why didn't you follow your better judgement?
Basoriana: At first, I was real keen on meeting someone this way, then I saw who I could be meeting.
Lyn: Internet dating..whod've thunk.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Sure, where do you want to meet? I'll bring along my parents too, they'd love to meet you too!
Uncle Artemus: And then I looked up the word confused and realized that confused was a good way to not know what the hell I was talking about
9. Looking for a female who shows interest. If any of this interests you drop me a massage!!!
Frank: Were you talking to me? You were, you were talking to me.Bond: We’ve come down to just hoping they will notice huh?
Bud: Keep looking. Good luck finding that massage.
Epiphany: You sure are discriminating.
SGT DUB: High hopes for a first date.
Anyhow: What type of interest would you like on your massage? is 200% per annum enough?
Basiorana: What, no dinner first?
Lyn: So glad your not picky.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: You don't mind paid massage right?
Uncle Artemus: Dropping a massage on you would certainly be interesting.
10. I would hope the person I could hopefully be with, would be open and honest about herself as I would hopefully be about myself.
Frank: Sorry. Mother Teresa died. Even if she didn't, you still wouldn't get any.
Bond: As I would hope that you could hopefully understand that I hopefully will never hear from you again.Bud: Hopefully I will never meet yourself. (xxoo)
Epiphany: Here's hoping you will hopefully turn out to be yourself! (I'm so confused.)
SGT DUB: There is no hope for you.
Anyhow: No one can surive on a diet of hope.
Skittles: That's nice, sir. I now accept Paypal.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: You like Hope? Ok, I'll tell her about this. Don't be too hopeful though! (You're just too cute, Kid. Why don't you ask Hope for a date?)
Basiorana: The glass can't be half full if your clumsy wording knocks it over...
Uncle Artemus: I hope your hopes become as hopeful as I could ever hope your hopes to be. Hopefully.
Lyn: At last, someone who tells the truth.
Bonus BooBoo: My ideal dream date and I would watch spinner dolphins earn their name as your panga slam-bams over glittering seas.
Skittles: No answer.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: No answer
Bud: No answerGood luck! (Note: Bud is an invisible competitor in this challenge. See explanation at the end of this post.)
#1 My best assets are my open mindedness and my belief that everyone is essentially good at heart. Luckily, I have no faults but I do sweat a lot when I dance.
Frank: Let me do the math: 'best assets'=no future, + 'no faults'=liar, + 'sweat a lot when I dance'=guilty conscience, therefore just waltz your little tukkas home before I phone the IRS. Don't slip in that pud....Too late.
Bond: My best asset is knowing not to come near you.
Bud: You don’t need a date for that. You need an antiperspirant.
Epiphany: ..and share too much about myself on the Internet...
SGT DUB: It’s not your fault you sweat a lot?
Anyhow: Just between you and me, most people consider sweating while dancing a fault.
Basiorana: Are you sure your best asset isn't your unbridled humility?
Lyn: I think the sweating thing is your faults trying to come out. Its not good for your aura to suppress your faults like that
ThatFrolicsomeKid: How much sweat do you sweat out? I definitely don't want to slip on your puddle of sweat while dancing with you!Uncle Artemus: I dance really slow in the driveway. I'm a very good dancer
2. I dont really know what the problem is. I tried the nice guy approach - that hasn't worked. I tried the treat you like dirt approach - that hasn't worked. I tried doing the whole ignoring you thing - that hasn't worked. I watched the movie What Women Want and you apparently still don't get it.
Frank: Have you tried the Alien approach and just wait patiently until SETI detects your transmission?
Bond: I would like to explain it to you simply. Please look in the mirror. Bye.
Bud: I am shocked that faking your personality (a better word than "approach") didn’t work. And since your entire research project was watching one lousy film, that speaks volumes. I do get it, by the way. It’s you that’s not getting any.
Epiphany: Maybe it's because you're an idiot?
Excuse me sir, Mall Security here, I was wondering why you’re talking to that mannequin?
Anyhow: I tried reading it straight, I tried reading it backwards, I tried watching What Women Want, but they all haven't worked. But apparently, doing the whole ignoring you thing HAS worked.
Basiorana: Well, of course we still don't get what we want! Look at what we have to choose from!
Lyn: No, its you that just don't get it.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: What can you expect? I'm blond!
Uncle Artemus: Have you tried the, get a life, a job, and a personality approach?
3. Hanky Seeks Panky!
Frank: Charmin found $#s (Frank! Shame on you! I had to bleep you out.)
Bond: You seek a clue.
Bud: You are a total moron. Please do not have children, I am begging you.
Epiphany: Did you just blow your nose in that?! (People, please!)
SGT DUB: See Jill Run!
Anyhow: Hanky goes home disappointed.
Basiorana: I think I have the sniffles.
Lyn: So sorry this scooter ain't looking for any pootering. (In the words of a great comedian whom-shall-remain-nameless, "I'd be lying if I said I understood what you just said.")
Skittles: Go use your hankie.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Have you tried Lost & Found?
Uncle Artemus: Wait...so does that mean you want me to blow my nose on you? (Ewwww.........)
4. I'm in the dark. Are U afraid of the dark?
Frank: I guess the money I spent on this taser was a good investment.
Bond: If you are there, I am very afraid.
Bud: I’m afraid only of you in the dark.
Epiphany: Very afraid.
SGT DUB: No, I’ve seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m hopping on that train. (Good one, SGT!)
Anyhow: Not quite. Unless you're still in it.
Basiorana: I am now.
Lyn: No I'm afraid of spiders.
Skittles: I am now.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Where are U? I can't see U! (You're the silliest Kid I've ever not seen.)
UncleArtemus: Be afraid. Be very afraid
5. I am quite accomplished. I invented an equation to measure happiness that multiplies the acres of your land and the number of your trees.
Frank: And which tree are you hiding behind, I've seen Deliverance!Bond: You see, we will never work out. I believe in the fundamentalist theory that happiness can only be measured by multiplying blades of grass and the number of shingles on your home.Bud: Come right this way. We have the nicest padded room for you.
Epiphany: Wow. Now that is accomplished! What are you going to do when you turn 8?
SGT DUB: Sounds like another tax scheme to me.
Anyhow: I'm sure being able to simple maths must seem like a great accomplishment to a 6 year old. But trust me, there are much harder things out there when you grow up.
Basiorana: Wow! We have so much in common! I invented an equation to measure happiness that divides the acres of land between us by your interest in math degrees.
Lyn: What is it with this math thing, My acreage isn't divisible by five and you can't count my trees.
Skittles: Equate this: you + me = not gonna happen. (I like your math skills, Barb.)
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Sorry, but I don't date geeks.
Uncle Artemus: Interesting. Could you invent an equation for me to measure the velocity of meaningless drivel by multiplying your IQ by the number of live brain cells still rattling around in your head?
6. hi my name is frank and i've been lost for seven years. i lost my love seven years ago and i am thinking that its been time to look for a new love.
Frank: Frank: Oh thank God you woke me up Lola. I was having this nightmare that I was lost for many years on a deserted island without you, and I was looking....Nevermind
Lola: And I bet she had a nice pair of coconuts too. She did, didn't she....Frank...Wake up!!! (Frank....That was almost bleepable. Watch it! Kid is here.)
Bond: Hello Frank, I think I saw your old love at the 7-11. If you hurry you might catch her.
Bud: Did you look everywhere? Did you put posters on telephone polls? (Silly Bud...I'm really trying to ignore you but that was funny! and silly.....)
Epiphany: Hi, Frank. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but...you're still lost.
SGT DUB: I know what you mean, my parents moved when I was 8, when I was 12, I found them. (I'm beginning to worry about you, SGT....)
Anyhow: It took you 7 years to realise that you lost your love?
Basiorana: Don't give up! Have you checked on top of the dryer? (That was just so silly I had to laugh)
Lyn: I really admire the way you don't dwell on the past.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: You mean to develop a new love for punctuations?
Uncle Artemus: Where oh where has Frank's mind gone? Oh where, oh where could it beeee?
7. Someone Who Is Going To Get Lucky. I'm a leo, a tiger, and was born on the cusp of the 186th and 187th day of the Mayan calendar, which is a death day #4 and a deer day.
Frank: And I am a Wicca and this is a pentacle, and this is a cauldron, a little eye of newt, a dash of spider silk, and some snake saliva, and Poof!, you should gracefully disappear.
Bond: Lions and Tigers and Deer…OH MY!
Bud: We hope you don’t mind have a roomy. We’ve got the nicest padded room for you.
Epiphany: Someone Who Is Deluding Himself. (Ha!)
SGT DUB: Now, which one of you should I go out with?
Anyhow: Which planet were you from again?
Basiorana: Lucky, huh? Leos: "Dogmatic and intolerant." Tigers: "React poorly under stress and are prone to emotional outbursts." Mayans: "Oppressed and/or killed off by invading Spanish"... (THAT WAS PRICELESS)
Lyn: You call that lucky?
Skittles: You going to use your left hand or right hand?
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Let me consult my astrologer and I'll tell you whether we are compatible or not. Of course, you pay for my consultation fees first. Money sent via PayPal will do.
Uncle Artemus: That's too bad. I was looking for someone born on the cusp of 189th Death Star #2, an addled gopher day. I think we're just too different to ever be happy together.
8. At first, I wasn't too keen on trying to meet someone this way then I figured this might be a really good way at meeting someone.
Frank: And the winner is...Envelope Please...Your first thought. I'm sorry contestant #8 you should have gone with your first thought
Bond: And if you try and meet someone this way then you wouldn’t have to try and meet someone another way, so meeting them this way is a good way to meet them, don’t you agree? (Oh no, it's contagious)Bud: Are you always this fascinating? (HE HE.....
Epiphany: What changed your mind midsentence?
SGT DUB: . At first I was interested, then I figured I was interested in meeting someone else.
Anyhow: Why didn't you follow your better judgement?
Basoriana: At first, I was real keen on meeting someone this way, then I saw who I could be meeting.
Lyn: Internet dating..whod've thunk.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: Sure, where do you want to meet? I'll bring along my parents too, they'd love to meet you too!
Uncle Artemus: And then I looked up the word confused and realized that confused was a good way to not know what the hell I was talking about
9. Looking for a female who shows interest. If any of this interests you drop me a massage!!!
Frank: Were you talking to me? You were, you were talking to me.Bond: We’ve come down to just hoping they will notice huh?Bud: Keep looking. Good luck finding that massage.
Epiphany: You sure are discriminating.
SGT DUB: High hopes for a first date.
Anyhow: What type of interest would you like on your massage? is 200% per annum enough?
Basiorana: What, no dinner first?
Lyn: So glad your not picky.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: You don't mind paid massage right?
Uncle Artemus: Dropping a massage on you would certainly be interesting.
10. I would hope the person I could hopefully be with, would be open and honest about herself as I would hopefully be about myself.
Frank: Sorry. Mother Teresa died. Even if she didn't, you still wouldn't get any.
Bond: As I would hope that you could hopefully understand that I hopefully will never hear from you again.Bud: Hopefully I will never meet yourself. (xxoo)
Epiphany: Here's hoping you will hopefully turn out to be yourself! (I'm so confused.)
SGT DUB: There is no hope for you.
Anyhow: No one can surive on a diet of hope.
Skittles: That's nice, sir. I now accept Paypal.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: You like Hope? Ok, I'll tell her about this. Don't be too hopeful though! (You're just too cute, Kid. Why don't you ask Hope for a date?)
Basiorana: The glass can't be half full if your clumsy wording knocks it over...
Uncle Artemus: I hope your hopes become as hopeful as I could ever hope your hopes to be. Hopefully.
Lyn: At last, someone who tells the truth.
Bonus BooBoo: My ideal dream date and I would watch spinner dolphins earn their name as your panga slam-bams over glittering seas.
Skittles: No answer.
ThatFrolicsomeKid: No answer
Frank: Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey, A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you? Translation--Mares eat oats, and Does eat oats, and Little Lambs eat ivy, a Kid'll eat ivy too, wouln't you. See how easy it is to get your point across when you dont speak jibberish.
Bond: My Ideal dream date is you earning your name…GONE. Wam Bam thank you man.
Epiphany: Hey, buddy. Leave my panga out of this!
SGT DUB: I take it we aren’t in Kansas anymore.
Anyhow: I'm sorry but I don't think most people would consider watching Animal Planet as their ideal dream date
Basiorana: Panga: a large, broad-bladed African knife, like a machete. This date is looking better and better.
Lyn: My pangas gonna do what over what..I don't know what your talking about but I think you mistook your tazer for your cell phone.
Uncle Artemus: Wow. Your words make my eyeballs spin in opposite directions. (I don't know why that's funny. It just is.)
MY APOLOGIES To Bud. Alas, we discussed it and decided that since we're romantically involved it wouldn't be fair to actually count his answers in the competition (yes, I said romance. Haven't you been paying attention??! Where have you been?!) He loves to play the game and wanted to submit his comedy each week as usual. He is a three-time champ in this competition and an extremely funny guy. We all get to continue to enjoy his comedy! A win-win for everyone....(well, except Bud)
So, even though none of his answers are colored, I still think he's as clever as ever. Just so ya know. Thanks, Bud, for being a good sport and active participate and supporter.
1st place...........Epiphany Alone = 15 points
2nd place.........Channeling Uncle Artemus ..... 14 points
3rd place..........Basiorana from Frog Kissers Musings = 13 points
4 comments:
Hahahaha, the responses posted by other people were absolutely hilarious! =D I had a great laugh! =P
Bud got you, so it's a win..win...win. Great answers by all.
Great, Frolicsome! I hope you will come back this week and compete again.
Sgt - What a nice thing to say.Thank you. And yes, these guys are hysterical. I so enjoy this competition! Thanks for participating. I hope it brings a smile to you!
Post a Comment