Comeback Challenge Winners ~ Round 33 Out to Pasture and Waitin' On Jesus

The Comeback Challenge is back in full swing with ten contestants this week. We welcome three new players - a trio of hysterical ladies with an edge known as Ev, Skittles and Miss Lucky Mommy. Empress Bee of the High Sea and Foxxyfyrre/Frank have returned along with the sardonic and sassy Turnbaby from And As the World Turns. Comedian Bud Weiser is back in the competition for real this time! Meanwhile Anyhow, Spinners and Bond have been patiently waiting for the rest of you to return.

Each and every comeback will be scored on a scale of 1-3; three being the highest. The contestant with the highest score wins. Total scores do not include the tie-breaker score unless necessary. Did anyone make that perfect score of 30 points? We shall see. Read on and enjoy the humor.The Bachelors were a little strange......no more than usual.

I had to whip out my bad magic BLEEPER a few times but you knew that would happen now, didn't you? If you got bleeped consider it an honor and just post the uncensored version on your blog. We've actually been doing a great job with maintaining a family-friendly environment (and that ain't easy with these questions!), as just today this site was rated G for General Audiences. Last week it was rated PG-13. Ha! I think the scoring is flawed, as it obviously doesn't account for context, but nevertheless here it is. "No bad words found" proclaims the site. I don't think they've been paying attention.

P.S. Mimi Writes is rated G today too, but they warn I mentioned the word "libido" 1x. Wonder what would happen if I mentioned libido 2x, 3x? Ooops...it's now been mentioned twice on this site. Looks like I may get blog-beeped. Oh the shame. Ladies First Contestant #1 Turnbaby from And As The World Turns 1. Just Put Out to Pasture Well that's better than being just put out. = 2 2. Dart Player Looking to Hit the Bullseye Just don't hit the brown eye and you'll be OK. =1 3. A man with a leering stare who enjoys bad puns, bad punctuation and egregious social errors You are looking for Rosie O'Donnell--she's just beyond your view. - 3 4. When In Doubt, Play Dead I know George Jones and you, sir , are NO George Jones. =1 5. My ideal match would look like shania twain,sundra bullock, jennifer aniston,teri hatcher,alysia morano,donna mill and marg helenberger,debra winger So...you are Brad Pitt...that don't impress me much.... =3 6. I am hedonistic & "blessed" with an annoyingly high testosterone level that won't seem to let me be. So when you take yourself out to dinner do you feel yourself up in front of the wait staff? =1 7. Hark ye of fare eyes I see change, people! =2 8. Who shall I spend my time with while I'm "waitin on Jesus? Might as well be Jezebel--just go to confession before the rapture...hehehe =3 9. Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and Love like you've never been hurt before. Do you skate? Yes I skate--and I do it holding onto the rail for dear life. =1 10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me As long as you do the scoopin'! =1 Tie-Breaker: My favorite activity is quilty time on the couch. mailto:*&#@--that pretty good time. =2 Total Points for Turnbaby = 18 NEW Contestant #2 ~ My Life Is Murphy's Law ~ aka Wacky Mom!

1. Just Put Out to Pasture I’m used and abused. She kicked my BLEEP out because I’m a pathetic loser. Who would want me? How about you? = 1

2. Dart Player Looking to Hit the Bullseye I play darts when I hang out with all my drunkin slug pals at the local dive and wanna know if you wanna thro some beers back with me babe? Just don’t get in my way when I spit out my tobake! -1

3. A man with a leering stare who enjoys bad puns, bad punctuation and egregious social errors Hi, I’m a slobby couch potato that doesn’t like to read, think or generally involve himself in humanity other than shove food into my mouth. That would be your job. I want a slave who can cook my food and wait on me hand a foot. You’re probably dying to apply for the job = 2

4. When In Doubt, Play Dead Chances are pretty good you’re gonna BLEEP me off. So here’s the rules babe. When I’m mad…pretend you’re dead=3

5. My ideal match would look like shania twain,sundra bullock, jennifer aniston,teri hatcher,alysia morano,donna mill and marg helenberger,debra winger Unsalvagable bleep. (Sorry, Ev!!!)

6. I am hedonistic & "blessed" with an annoyingly high testosterone level that won't seem to let me be. Yo mama you wanna some of this? =2

7. Hark ye of fare eyes Oooh, my Knight in shining armor. What lay beneath thee? I wonder? Oooh? I fear it may be Hamlet? =1

8. Who shall I spend my time with while I'm "waitin on Jesus? Could he be looking for St. Peter in disguise? Or does he want The Virgin Mary? Wo that could be a problem is he’s Judas! =2

9. Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and Love like you've never been hurt before. Do you skate? Seems like my kind of guy? Nothing rhymes. Dancing, music, maybe some candles? Skating? Mmm. What’s up with this? I know what’s he’s doing. He’s dancing by himself in roller skates! =1

10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me

He’s a dog! Woof..Woof. Code name: Lassie =1

Total points for Wacky One = 14

Contestant #3 Empress Bee of the High Sea ~ 1. Just Put Out to Pasture

I hear there’s some great mushrooms grass out there! =1 2. Dart Player Looking to Hit the Bullseye -

You are in luck my friend, my bull’s eye is huge!!! =3 3. A man with a leering stare who enjoys bad puns, bad punctuation and egregious social errors - well I’d have to say I’m a woman with an evil eye who enjoys sticky buns, good punch, and eggs! I think you’ve found your match honey. =2 4. When In Doubt, Play Dead -

Hey! That’s MY motto! We must be compatible! =1 5. My ideal match would look like shania twain,sundra bullock, jennifer aniston,teri hatcher,alysia morano,donna mill and marg helenberger,debra winger -

I think you just want sixteen breasts but whatever. =3 6. I am hedonistic & "blessed" with an annoyingly high testosterone level that won't seem to let me be. -

My, but you sound disgusting. intriguing. I’d have to be desperate to keep up with you in so many ways! It’s great that you are so cursed blessed. -1 7. Hark ye of fare eyes -

well then hark YE of blind faith! =3 8. Who shall I spend my time with while I'm "waitin on Jesus?"

- hmmm, really great question, how about Moses? I hear while Jesus saves, Moses invests. =2 9. Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and Love like you've never been hurt before. Do you skate? -

actually yes, but only for about half a second, then I do a great impression of a woman landing on her behind. You’d love it I’m sure. =2 10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me -

well my inner dog looks suspiciously like a cat, but okay I’m game... =1

Total points for Miss Bee = 19

NEW Contestant #4 Miss Lucky Mommy from Mr. Wonderful Does It Again 1. Just Put Out to Pasture and may you never find your way back =2 2. Dart Player Looking to Hit the Bullseye but wouldn't that be your own eye? =1 3. A man with a leering stare who enjoys bad puns, bad punctuation and egregious social errors right ...yeah ....listen, I've got this "thing" I need to do sooooo ....yeah =1 4. When In Doubt, Play Dead fantastic! you go first! =3 5. My ideal match would look like shania twain,sundra bullock, jennifer aniston,teri hatcher,alysia morano,donna mill and marg helenberger,debra winger well what about Ms. Butreswrth? =1 6. I am hedonistic & "blessed" with an annoyingly high testosterone level that won't seem to let me be. Are you sure it's your testosterone levels that are so annoying? =1 7. Hark ye of fare eyes "ye fare eyes" will be busy when the Renaissance Fair comes to town =2 8. Who shall I spend my time with while I'm "waitin on Jesus? satan? =3 9. Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and Love like you've never been hurt before. Do you skate? I used to,but while I was dancing like no one was watching I sprained my ankle =3 10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me thanks for the invite, but I already have a professional dog walker for him =1 tiebreaker: My favorite activity is quilty time on the couch. Can we do it in the land of make-believe instead? =2

Total points for Miss Lucky Mommy = 18

NEW Contestant # 5 who tiptoed in with three answers on he first try.

4. When In Doubt, Play Dead

I'll remember to do that if you call. =1

7. Hark ye of fare eyes

I sayeth no to thee. =2 10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me

Will you bring a pooper scooper? =1 The Gents Contestant #6 Spinnerz ~

1. Just Put Out to Pasture Mooove to the left, there's a truck coming =2 2. Dart Player Looking to Hit the Bullseye That pimple on your face makes a pretty good target =1 3. A man with a leering stare who enjoys bad puns, bad punctuation and egregious social errors Hey bug eyes, yu $@&# =2 (Apparently, Spinners has learned to bleep himself before I have to.) 4. When In Doubt, Play Dead Tried it but you're still here =3 5. My ideal match would look like shania twain,sundra bullock, jennifer aniston,teri hatcher,alysia morano,donna mill and marg helenberger,debra winger Too bad for you that their ideal match isn't a bullfrog =1 6. I am hedonistic & "blessed" with an annoyingly high testosterone level that won't seem to let me be. Just back away from the mirror loverboy =2 7. Hark ye of fare eyes Hark! The town idiot approacheth =2 8. Who shall I spend my time with while I'm waitin' on Jesus? I don't know but leave my sheep alone =2 9. Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and Love like you've never been hurt before. Do you skate? But I am watching and listening and laughing my arse off at you =2 10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me Looks like yours chewed through his leash and ran away =1 Tie-Breaker: My favorite activity is quilty time on the couch. You know people walking by can see you, close your blinds...no wonder you're alone =2

Total points for Spinners = 18 Contestant #7

1. Just Put Out to Pasture Pasture? Must be a geriatric singles bar. =2 2. Dart Player Looking to Hit the Bullseye Another amateur athlete looking for sponsorship. The sign says dating site--not darting sight. =3 3. A man with a leering stare who enjoys bad puns, bad punctuation and egregious social errors Get your eyes (excuse me!, I fluffed!) off my mussn't-touch-its, and get me another.....stiff one, I'll kneed it. =1 (Frank, Mims is confused.) 4. When In Doubt, Play Dead Admit it! You just want to see me roll over. =2 5. My ideal match would look like shania twain,sundra bullock, jennifer aniston,teri hatcher,alysia morano,donna mill and marg helenberger,debra winger Use that match to burn your subscription to Maxim Magazine, gheeze louise. =1 6. I am hedonistic & "blessed" with an annoyingly high testosterone level that won't seem to let me be. So, I guess you have your hands full enough. =1 7. Hark ye of fare eyes Well! If you're going to charge me to look.....=3 8. Who shall I spend my time with while I'm "waitin on Jesus? You could try Noah, but even if humans were supposed to show up with all the other animals, you'd still have a single boarding pass. =3 9. Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and Love like you've never been hurt before. Do you skate? Hmmm! So you think you're Tom Cruise (in Risky Business), Willie Nelson (in any of his concerts), and Warren Beatie (at any given time) all rolled into one. Yes, I skate. =2 10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me Naw, there's bigger trees to lift legs for. =2 Tie-Breaker: My favorite activity is quilty time on the couch. Quilting is a two-handed activity. Doesn't quilting interfere with beer guzzling, and potato chip dipping? What do you work the remote with? =3

Total points for Frank = 20 Contestant #8 Anyhow Anyhow Blogs 1. Just Put Out to Pasture Why? You're parents couldn't stand you anymore? =2 2. Dart Player Looking to Hit the Bullseye Here's my bull. Go ahead, take your best shot. =3 3. A man with a leering stare who enjoys bad puns, bad punctuation and egregious social errors You forgot to mention bad pickup lines too. =2 4. When In Doubt, Play Dead *Playing dead* =3 5. My ideal match would look like shania twain,sundra bullock, jennifer aniston,teri hatcher,alysia morano,donna mill and marg helenberger,debra winger So you're someone who has 8 heads? That's too bad, cos I only have 1. =1 6. I am hedonistic & "blessed" with an annoyingly high testosterone level that won't seem to let me be. Just as long as you let the rest of us be, you shouldn't be getting into any trouble. =2 7. Hark ye of fare eyes Who art thou, creator of thy lameoth lines? =2 8. Who shall I spend my time with while I'm "waitin on Jesus? Don't bother waiting, he told me that he has already given up on you. =2 9. Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and Love like you've never been hurt before. Do you skate? Did you notice that in actual fact, really no one wants to watch you dance, listen to you sing, or have you to love? And that goes for skating too=1 10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me Sorry, I'm more of an Inner Cat person. =3 Tie-Breaker: My favorite activity is quilty time on the couch. That's why you never get any dates. =2

Total points for Anyhow = 21

Tied with Bud Weiser with for 1st place with 21 + 2 = 23 Contestant #9 - 1. Just Put Out to Pasture.

By the looks of things, THAT was long overdue. =2 2. Dart Player Looking to Hit the Bullseye.

I think you’ll need a bigger dart. I read about this product I receive as spam in my email… =2 3. A man with a leering stare who enjoys bad puns, bad punctuation and egregious social errors. And also revels with being alone, no doubt. What a BLEEPING disaster as “truth in advertising”. =1 4. When In Doubt, Play Dead.

This is that “little brain” in your pants talking, no doubt. =2

5. My ideal match would look like shania twain,sundra bullock, jennifer aniston,teri hatcher,alysia morano,donna mill and marg helenberger,debra winger.

Women like a man with such focus. Good luck with this. =2 6. I am hedonistic & "blessed" with an annoyingly high testosterone level that won't seem to let me be.

That explains your sprained wrist, apparently. =3 7. Hark ye of fare eyes.

Dude, no woman will pay your fare with her eyes. But judging from your pic, we concure that blind women should be your target market. =2 8. Who shall I spend my time with while I'm "waitin on Jesus?

Why is He coming to your card came on Friday? =3 9. Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and Love like you've never been hurt before. Do you skate? S

Speak like everyone is saying, “what the BLEEP is he talking about?” =2 10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me.

I think this might “curb her enthusiasm”. But, *&*#, it's your line. =2 Tie-Breaker: My favorite activity is quilty time on the couch.

When you have finished the quilt, how about doing me a sweater. In New England summer ends soon… =1

Total points for Bud Weiser = 21

Tied with Anyhow for 1st place with 21 points + 1 = 22

Contestant #10 Bond from Bond's Big Leather Couch

1. Just Put Out to Pasture As are cow patties. =3

2. Dart Player Looking to Hit the Bullseye You almost made your point. =2

3. A man with a leering stare who enjoys bad puns, bad punctuation and egregious social errors Pee Wee Herman, where have you been? =1

4. When In Doubt, Play Dead I’d prefer to bury you.=1

5. My ideal match would look like shania twain,sundra bullock, jennifer aniston,teri hatcher,alysia morano,donna mill and marg helenberger,debra winger The bride of Frankenstein, coming right up =1

6. I am hedonistic & "blessed" with an annoyingly high testosterone level that won't seem to let me be. Don’t you hate when that happens? =2

7. Hark ye of fare eyes You can’t afford them. =2

8. Who shall I spend my time with while I'm "waitin on Jesus? I hear St. Peter is looking for some company. =2

9. Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and Love like you've never been hurt before. Do you skate? I do know how to cross-check. =1

10. Come Walk Your Inner Dog With Me Show me how to chase a =3

Tie-Breaker: My favorite activity is quilty time on the couch. My grandmother used to sit on the couch and quilty… =1

Total points for Bond = 18

Congratulations! What a close competition....

1st place Anyhow with 22 points

2nd place Bud Weiser with 21 points

3rd place Frank with 20 points

Hope to see you next week! Very funny stuff, my friends.