Comeback Challenge Round 28 Winners Dogs, Ponies, American Idol and a 3-Way Tie

NOTE: I'm watching the last few moments of the American Idol finale. Yes, THAT competition. I'll go out on a limb here and predict Jordin Sparks as the winner. Isn't that a no-brainer?

Speaking of no-brains, let's get right to our batty bachelors tonight. It was a tough competition. Three of our usually strong contestants laid down the funny smack this week and tied for first place with 20 points each. Here's what happened!

Each and every comeback will be scored on a scale of 1-3, three being the highest. The contestant with the highest score wins. Total scores do not include the tie-breaker score unless necessary. Did anyone make that perfect score of 30 points? We shall see.

Contestant #1

1.“Extremely ugly social moron wants a wife”
Well, I can see there’s a long line to answer this one, I’ll just go down the street. =2

2. Hello out there well I guess your lonely and bored and poking at the computer to see what will squirm.
Hello in there, do you have enough oxygen or should I poke a few more holes in the box? = 3

3. I'm half a party in a one dog town
Is that the awkward half of the party where nobody talks or enjoys being there? = 2

4. Ettiquette and manors are part of my sole.
Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon? =1

5. An interesting habit that I have is sensitivity.
Cry-baby = 3

6. I'VE RAISED MY TWO SONS AND THEIR ON THEIR FEET NOW, ITS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS IN MY LIFE.
Well, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. =2

7. Dazed and Confussed
Well, I do believe that sums it up. =1

8. I'm a cross country tuck driver.
Do fuel prices bother you in your tuck? =1

9. I AM LOOKING 4 A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. OR A SUGAR MOMMA. YOU KNOW WHICH EVER....
Sugar Momma’s are on isle 4, next to the canned yams. =3

10. My favorite meal is "next window please."
Then I’m going to make you so happy, NEXT WINDOW PLEASE! =2

Tie-Breaker: First i must say that i am god fearing. if you are then of course the sky is the limit. if you aren't then the limit is the sky.well anyway, i am a down to earth guy.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood….. =1

Total Points For SGT DUB = 20 (Tied for 1st place with Bond & Spinners) + 1 Tie-Breaker point = 21

Contestant #2 from the great State of Oklahoma, newcomer Angela (friend of the Dub Clan)

1.“Extremely ugly social moron wants a wife”
I think you meant to say needs a “life” = 1

2. Hello out there well I guess your lonely and bored and poking at the computer to see what will squirm.
Bored, yes – but not that bored! = 1

3. I'm half a party in a one dog town
If the other half of the party involves the dog, then I’m not interested = 2

4. Ettiquette and manors are part of my sole.
Geez I’ll bet that hurts when you walk! = 3

5. An interesting habit that I have is sensitivity.
To what, light? =1

6. I'VE RAISED MY TWO SONS AND THEIR ON THEIR FEET NOW, ITS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS IN MY LIFE.
Did you just carry them around until they were adults? =3

7. Dazed and Confussed
Go back to sleep now =2

8. I'm a cross country tuck driver.
Oh my, I’ll bet that’s painful! =1

9. I AM LOOKING 4 A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. OR A SUGAR MOMMA. YOU KNOW WHICH EVER....
Translation: you’re looking for someone to pay your bills while you lay around? =1

10. My favorite meal is "next window please."
Then you should proceed to the next window because this window is closed. = 1

Tie-Breaker: First i must say that i am god fearing. if you are then of course the sky is the limit. if you aren't then the limit is the sky.well anyway, i am a down to earth guy.
WHATEVER! =1

Total points for Angela from Oklahoma = 16


SILENT Contestant #3 Bud Weiser from WTIT
Click here for his hysterical version with pictures!

1.“Extremely ugly social moron wants a wife”
There’s something to be said about too much “truth in advertising.”

2. Hello out there well I guess your lonely and bored and poking at the computer to see what will squirm.
Hello back at you. I am guessing that you are a moron who never wants to date again.

3. I'm half a party in a one dog town.
No guy, it is “half a brain” that you’ve got. So that dog just might be your only shot.

4. Ettiquette and manors are part of my sole.
The fish you eat should be proud.


5. An interesting habit that I have is sensitivity.
Sensitivity can neither be interesting nor a habit. Good luck with this approach.

6. I'VE RAISED MY TWO SONS AND THEIR ON THEIR FEET NOW, ITS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS IN MY LIFE.
Yep, once a toddler can walk, a dad’s job is done. Your son’s must be proud that dad wants to move on to better things than his own kids.

7. Dazed and Confussed.
Hi. I’m amazed and nauseous.

8. I'm a cross country tuck driver.
Sorry, no one will give a tuck.

9. I AM LOOKING 4 A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. OR A SUGAR MOMMA. YOU KNOW WHICH EVER....
So, let’s get this right. You are available for any woman at anytime for anything. Most women I’ve met are hoping to meet an idiot like you.

10. My favorite meal is "next window please."
I would imagine a lot of windows close when they see you coming.

Tie-Breaker: First i must say that i am god fearing. if you are then of course the sky is the limit. if you aren't then the limit is the sky.well anyway, i am a down to earth guy.
A good first date for you is picking out your headstones. C’mon, admit it.



Contestant # 4 From The Couch

1.“Extremely ugly social moron wants a wife”
Finally a teller of truths. Here is another one, you ain’t getting one. = 2

2. Hello out there well I guess your lonely and bored and poking at the computer to see what will squirm.
Not that lonely. = 1

3. I'm half a party in a one dog town
With half a brain. = 3

4. Ettiquette and manors are part of my sole.
SO, you lived with the old lady in a shoe? =2

5. An interesting habit that I have is sensitivity.
An interesting habit I have is staying away from people like you. = 2

6. I'VE RAISED MY TWO SONS AND THEIR ON THEIR FEET NOW, ITS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS IN MY LIFE.
So, they are old enough to stand and now you don’t want them any longer? =1

7. Dazed and Confussed
Scared witless. =2

8. I'm a cross country tuck driver.
How do you see the road driving like that? =1

9. I AM LOOKING 4 A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. OR A SUGAR MOMMA. YOU KNOW WHICH EVER....
I am looking for a baseball bat, or a taser-gun, you know which ever… 3

10. My favorite meal is "next window please."
My favorite response is, keep driving =3

Tie-Breaker: First i must say that i am god fearing. if you are then of course the sky is the limit. if you aren't then the limit is the sky.well anyway, i am a down to earth guy.
Let’s go up to the sky and you fall back to earth. =3

Total points for Bond = 20 (Tied for 1st place with SGT DUB and Spinners) + 2 Tie-Breaker points = 23

Contestant #5 My Life As We Think I Know It

1.“Extremely ugly social moron wants a wife”
Don't they all? = 3

2. Hello out there well I guess your lonely and bored and poking at the computer to see what will squirm.
Yup, but for you I'll use my taser. = 1

3. I'm half a party in a one dog town
Must be the bottom half cuz you're definately not the half with the brains =2

4. Ettiquette and manors are part of my sole.
So, properly, you live in a shoe? = 2

5. An interesting habit that I have is sensitivity.
You have one nostril bigger than the other, your ears are huge, your left eye is crooked, who cut your hair? Crying yet? = 2

6. I'VE RAISED MY TWO SONS AND THEIR ON THEIR FEET NOW, ITS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS IN MY LIFE.
Bigger and better than your own kids? A wood chipper would be bigger and better for you. = 1

7. Dazed and Confussed
Tired and annoyed! = 3

8. I'm a cross country tuck driver.
And what do you want to be when you grow up? = 2

9. I AM LOOKING 4 A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. OR A SUGAR MOMMA. YOU KNOW WHICH EVER....
Still live with mommy? = 1

10. My favorite meal is "next window please."
"Next profile please" = 3

Tie-Breaker: First i must say that i am god fearing. if you are then of course the sky is the limit. if you aren't then the limit is the sky.well anyway, i am a down to earth guy.
You have no need to fear God, he takes pity on the mental. = 2

Total points for Sp1nners = 20 points (Tied for 1st place with SGT and Bond) + 2 Tie-Breaker points = 22

Contestant #6 Anyhow Blogs

1."Extremely ugly social moron wants a wife"
Looks aren't everything you know. There's still IQ and EQ. Unfortunately you don't seem to have either of them too. = 3


2. Hello out there well I guess your lonely and bored and poking at the computer to see what will squirm.
Yeah, I was looking for something squirmy, slimy, disguisting and icky. But I found something worse... you. = 2


3. I'm half a party in a one dog town
That's because the rest of the dogs couldn't stand your stench and migrated to another town. = 1


4. Ettiquette and manors are part of my sole.
Which leaves nothing much up in the head. = 3


5. An interesting habit that I have is sensitivity.
An interesting habit I have is not being interested in people who have interesting habits. = 2


6. I'VE RAISED MY TWO SONS AND THEIR ON THEIR FEET NOW, ITS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS IN MY LIFE.
Yes, like shaving and getting a proper job. = 1


7. Dazed and Confussed
Confucius says "If you can't convince them, confuse them." =1


8. I'm a cross country tuck driver.
I'm meet you at the other end of the country. You go ahead first, I'll catch up, I promise. = 2


9. I AM LOOKING 4 A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. OR A SUGAR MOMMA. YOU KNOW WHICH EVER....
And you can get 2 for the price of one with a cotton candy maker! = 1


10. My favorite meal is "next window please."
My office is on the 49th floor and you're free to lick the outsides of our windows clean anytime. = 1

Tie-Breaker: First i must say that i am god fearing. if you are then of course the sky is the limit. if you aren't then the limit is the sky.well anyway, i am a down to earth guy.
If you asked god for a sign, he wuld probably give you one that reads "Stop contradicting yourself" = 2

Total points for Anyhow Blogs = 17

Congratulations to Bond
with 23 points for 1st place

2nd place goes to Sp1nners with 22 points

3rd place goes to SGT DUB with 21 points

What a fab competition! Thanks to all our funny men and the mysterious maiden from Oklahoma.