The 9 contestants this week are Frank/Honk 'n Hollr,(Canadian blog wonder) Sp1nners from My Life as We Think I Know It (spinning funnies with the best of 'em) Anyhow Blogs (anyhow....he blogs!)Bonds Big Leather Couch, (my source for American Idol and Birmingham shenaningans) Last Minute Lyn, (I don't know why she calls herself that. She always enters first), Ian Healy/Edog's Everything Page (famous American writer), Epiphany Alone (famous for sharing epiphanies) and SGT DUB (just famous). Let's not forget the silent contestant (aka famous boyfriend Bud ~ who patiently enters each week and can't win. None of his answers are colored. All are funny. What's a Comeback Challenge without BudWeiser?)
Turquoise = 3 points for funniest answer
Green = 2 points
Yellow = 1 point
Beige = Mimi being silly
Behold the buggy bachelors......
1. I can cook myself pretty well. I like new experiences and will try anything once.
Frank: And what wine would I serve with you? Lonesome Charlie, because lonesome is what you'll remain. (Yes, Lonesome Charlie really is/was a cheap wine in Canada)
Bud: Cook yourself medium rare. Then jog.
Bond: Cannibalism isn’t my think, so I will put you on the back burner.
Sp1nners: If only they made a microwave big enough to throw you in it, we could be done that much sooner! (Now that's just plain silly. Tee hee..)
Anyhow: Mum! There's a guy in the oven!
Lyn: I'll just have the salad..another fine reason to go vegetarian.
Ian: I'll start the vegetables, you start the grill. Call me when you're medium well.
Epiphany: Something in an off-the-shoulder Bearnaise sauce, perhaps?
SGT DUB: I imagine cooking yourself would only take once.
I thought all 8 answers to this question were quite good. Tough to choose!
2. Looks Ant Every Thing
Frank: So you are over the hill. (Now THAT'S funny)
Bud: You’d get more dates if your aunt didn’t tag along.
Sp1nners: Apparently, smarts ant everything neither!
Anyhow: Ant you Ant Good Ant Spelling Too.
Lyn: Looks Ant everything only to people who Ant got the look. (Now that was just cold......ha!)
Ian: Neether Is Smurts (Smirnoff, Ian?)
Bond: But they are certainly bigger then you.
Epiphany: You can't bee everything to everybody.
SGT DUB: But he can move a rubber tree plant, cause he’s got…HIGH HOPES, yes he’s….. (Thanks, SGT. I can't get that blasted song out of my head now)
3. I want to be truely in LOVE. Been like a dog chasing a bus, except I know what to do when I catch it. (NOTE: How shall I say this delicately? This guy posted a picture of himself -and his dog - in the bathtub covered with bubbles. You're right. There was no way to say that delicately.)
Frank: Next time. Get on. Pay the fare. Sit at the back, and go for a long ride off into the sunset. You won't be missed.
Sp1nners: Hopefully it's something to do with the tailpipe (Ouch)
Anyhow: I'm sorry, but seeing a grown man humping a rubber tire doesn't really turn us on. (eeewwwww.....)
Lyn: I know what my dog does when she's chasing something and I'm not sure I'd call it love.
Ian: He pees on the tire and chews off the bumper? (Oh dear)
Bond: Here’s hoping the bus stops short and you don’t notice. The ASPCA is also curious about your bathing habits.
Epiphany: You're really more like a dog chasing his tail. And I'm sure you know what to do when you catch it.
SGT DUB: I was gonna comment, until I read the NOTE, now I’m just dumbfounded, much like a dog after it catches a bus. (ain't it the truth, ain't it the truth)
4. I have NO, NONE, ZERO internal filter. Much to the horror of those around me if I think it I say it.... I am that guy that will spew non-stop garbage from my mouth just to see how far I can go before people realize I'm insulting them to their face. For some reason some people think I'm an arrogant s*@t.... That's so not true!
Frank: I have an internal filter, and have been called courteous and polite, thus Please! (then Frank wrote something hysterically funny but unbloggable on a PG blog. It was (*& *^% )(* (@$ (*##!! See what I mean?and then said......Mimi, really I'll understand if you have to edit this one. Sorry, Frank. I did. But please! Go to his site and read his weekly recap of this feature for the real answer. Very clever. But unbloggable. Sigh.
Bud: You not arrogant, just a total butt-head. Enjoy life alone, moron.
Sp1nners: Your fly is open
(Call me crazy but that simple answer just cracked me up)
Anyhow: Stay away! I don't want my clothes to smell of garbage! Back I say! BACK!
Lyn: NO, NONE, ZERO is the women that would be interested in you after that revelation. (So true, Lyn. So true.)
Ian: No, no, you're the very PICTURE of humility and restraint. *backs away*
Bond: You sir are a incredibly philosophical conundrum with an obtuse, nescient ability to be extremely tedious with an affinity for repugnance. What I find is true is you inutile. (Mimi searching for dictionary)
Epiphany: You sound charming. Shall I take you home so you can insult my Momma? I warn you, though, she's Irish and has a pretty sharp right cross...
SGT DUB: And this is your best pick up line?
5. My main goals in life are to built a house, have a son and plant a tree.
Frank: Sounds like good old Uncle Murphy found a new poster boy for his new book of laws. You can't spell, aren't very handy, shoot blanks, and have a black thumb. Let's test this. Leave and lets see if the door hits you in the a?? on the way out.
Bud: So no time for dating, sweet talk or foreplay?
Sp1nners: Well my goals are to wreck a home and plant an ex...2 out of 3 ain't bad. Are you rich?
Anyhow: I think you will find all you need in 'The Game of LIFE'. And it costs less than 20 bucks too.
Lyn: You could adopt and skip the dating scene altogether
Ian: I'll give you the tree and the house, and I'll pay real money to watch you have a son. I hear the episiotomy is hell.
Bond: Having goals is important. Now let’s hope you do not get mixed up and try and plant your son and build a tree.
Epiphany: And so you're looking for someone to maintain the house, raise the son, and water the tree? Sorry, pass.
SGT DUB: 3 out of 4 singles recommend some new goals.
6. My match comes down to weather I find you attractive. For me, that attraction starts with physical looks. Yeah, yeah that makes me a shallow bastard I know but looks are high on my list.
Frank: Looks like another COLD FRONT has set in.
Bud: Brains, however, are not high on your list. Enjoy the weather, cuz you won’t get dates this way.
Sp1nners: Shouldn't it be "butt" looks are high on your list?
Anyhow: I know lots of hot maniquins, want me to introduce them to you?
Lyn: And that puts you on the bottom of mine.
Ian: Today's Tip for the Single Man: Don't describe yourself as a shallowbastard in your profile. It won't get you (Mimi censored).
Bond: It is obvious that intelligence is not high on your list. The forecast is for an underwhelming amount of interest.
Epiphany: No, this match comes down to whether your ad is interesting enough for me to hit the "send email" button. And this hot chick is clicking on "next profile".
SGT DUB: A storm approaches, and it looks like hail.
7. Catch Your Eyes?
Frank: Morticia: Gomez, Pugsley's starting another eye collection.Gomez: Well, Mon Cherie, we were out of Bruin.Morticia: OOHHhh! Gomez! You know I love it when you speak French.Gomez: Cara Mia!fade to black (I loved Addams family as a kid. Lights, camera, action.
I always loved it when Gomez said "My beautiful, Morticia" and kissed her arm in that silly way. Such fun.)
Bud: Only if they fall down, dude.
Sp1nners: Drop your brain?
Anyhow: No thanks, I think I'd prefer them to stay in my sockets where they're safe.
Lyn: Geeze O' Man! Did they fall out again?.
Ian: Dude! This is Mims. Don't make me grab that beep button again.
Bond: Not planning on throwing them any time soon. I like them where they are.
Epiphany: Yes. I must've been rolling them pretty hard for them to
wind up over there.
SGT DUB: Oh, sorry, I get told I look like that pirate on Pirates of the Caribbean, let me put it back in.
8. I think of myself as intelligent, and am looking for a smart woman. My motto is, you can't think of everything. But you should try. (NOTE: This was his entire profile)
Frank: Maybe you should follow your own motto. Then you can start thinking of yourself as the real idiot you are.
Bud: My motto is YOU can’t think of anything, cuz dude that was lame.
Sp1nners: Here's a thought...Go Away
Anyhow: You can start by thinking how you got yourself such a lousy motto.
Lyn: You didn't try real hard to think of everything for this profile did ya?
Ian: Do you realize that between him and me, we know everything there is to be knowed? He knows everything except that he's a FREAKIN' MORON...and _I_know that.
Bond: I am smart enough to know that three incomplete sentences but it is nice to know that your motto pretty much sums up your whole being
Epiphany: Catchy. I'm surprised that hasn't been branded.
SGT DUB: Did you think this would work smart guy?
9. Lets see. I have arms and legs, 10 fingers and 10 toes.
I want the same thing every other guy wants, but I typically go about different ways of getting it. I like to think I'm clever, but I'm not sure how well that is working out for me.
Frank: And you never will know. We have a way of keeping those things to ourselves.
Bud: It always working for you. That’s why you are trying to find a date on a computer. Oh, you ain’t so clever, either, but since you like thinking that, carry on.
Sp1nners: Maybe you should date the person in No. 7. I think he has your eyes. (Ha!)
Anyhow: Someone once said "Believe in yourself and others will believe in you". This proves it isn't always true.
Lyn: Most men think they are being clever when they are being a doofus, try being a doofus and impress us. (You crack me up)
Ian: Well, let's start by getting you some shoes and teaching you to count past 21 when you're not naked...
Bond: Let’s see, I have one brain and that is obviously more then you can handle. (oooooo.....)
Epiphany: Hate to break it to you...not so much.
SGT DUB: Well, for starters, your parents weren’t related to each other before the marriage, as for wanting what other guys want, rejection is just around the corner.
10. Are you my future X?
Frank: Y yes, but I'll start being your X yesterday.
Bud: Let’s cut to the chase. Can I already be an EX? (very funny boyfriend...Ha!)
Sp1nners: Yup, already have an attorney and ready to start collecting that alimony.
Anyhow: Y R U asking such A lame S question? Can't U C U won't B meeting NEbody like this?
Lyn: My future X ran off with your future X, doesn't mean I want you as a consolation prize.
Ian: I think you have to have a single date first before you can call someone your "ex
Bond: Most definitely, so let’s just skip the other part and go right to the X part
Epiphany: No. I've decided to beat the rush and just start hating you now.
SGT DUB: That depends, what’s the balance in your checkbook?
TIE BREAKER: just be yourself not something your not if your something your not how can you not be yourself!!!
Frank: If A=B, and B=C, then A=C. True?In your caseA= AsinineB=BoorishC= CrassAnd guess what. It's true. Real logic doesn't lie. You are yourself.
Sp1nners: I'm schitzophrenic and so am I
Anyhow: Be contented. There, wasn't that much easier to say Einstein?
Lyn: I was so myself until I could not be myself anymore but I just acted myself and I couldn't not be myself again.
Ian: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Tom Cruise to the program!
Bond: Because by not being something I am not then I certainly can not be anything that wants you, so I will be who I am and that is someone without you and your lunacy
Epiphany: How can you have any pudding if you haven't finished your meat?
SGT DUB: I feel like a dog who just chased his tail, make the room stop spinning.
Turquoise = 3 points for funniest answer
Green = 2 points
Yellow = 1 point
Beige = Mimi being silly
Behold the buggy bachelors......
1. I can cook myself pretty well. I like new experiences and will try anything once.
Frank: And what wine would I serve with you? Lonesome Charlie, because lonesome is what you'll remain. (Yes, Lonesome Charlie really is/was a cheap wine in Canada)
Bud: Cook yourself medium rare. Then jog.
Bond: Cannibalism isn’t my think, so I will put you on the back burner.
Sp1nners: If only they made a microwave big enough to throw you in it, we could be done that much sooner! (Now that's just plain silly. Tee hee..)
Anyhow: Mum! There's a guy in the oven!
Lyn: I'll just have the salad..another fine reason to go vegetarian.
Ian: I'll start the vegetables, you start the grill. Call me when you're medium well.
Epiphany: Something in an off-the-shoulder Bearnaise sauce, perhaps?
SGT DUB: I imagine cooking yourself would only take once.
I thought all 8 answers to this question were quite good. Tough to choose!
2. Looks Ant Every Thing
Frank: So you are over the hill. (Now THAT'S funny)
Bud: You’d get more dates if your aunt didn’t tag along.
Sp1nners: Apparently, smarts ant everything neither!
Anyhow: Ant you Ant Good Ant Spelling Too.
Lyn: Looks Ant everything only to people who Ant got the look. (Now that was just cold......ha!)
Ian: Neether Is Smurts (Smirnoff, Ian?)
Bond: But they are certainly bigger then you.
Epiphany: You can't bee everything to everybody.
SGT DUB: But he can move a rubber tree plant, cause he’s got…HIGH HOPES, yes he’s….. (Thanks, SGT. I can't get that blasted song out of my head now)
3. I want to be truely in LOVE. Been like a dog chasing a bus, except I know what to do when I catch it. (NOTE: How shall I say this delicately? This guy posted a picture of himself -and his dog - in the bathtub covered with bubbles. You're right. There was no way to say that delicately.)
Frank: Next time. Get on. Pay the fare. Sit at the back, and go for a long ride off into the sunset. You won't be missed.
Sp1nners: Hopefully it's something to do with the tailpipe (Ouch)
Anyhow: I'm sorry, but seeing a grown man humping a rubber tire doesn't really turn us on. (eeewwwww.....)
Lyn: I know what my dog does when she's chasing something and I'm not sure I'd call it love.
Ian: He pees on the tire and chews off the bumper? (Oh dear)
Bond: Here’s hoping the bus stops short and you don’t notice. The ASPCA is also curious about your bathing habits.
Epiphany: You're really more like a dog chasing his tail. And I'm sure you know what to do when you catch it.
SGT DUB: I was gonna comment, until I read the NOTE, now I’m just dumbfounded, much like a dog after it catches a bus. (ain't it the truth, ain't it the truth)
4. I have NO, NONE, ZERO internal filter. Much to the horror of those around me if I think it I say it.... I am that guy that will spew non-stop garbage from my mouth just to see how far I can go before people realize I'm insulting them to their face. For some reason some people think I'm an arrogant s*@t.... That's so not true!
Frank: I have an internal filter, and have been called courteous and polite, thus Please! (then Frank wrote something hysterically funny but unbloggable on a PG blog. It was (*& *^% )(* (@$ (*##!! See what I mean?and then said......Mimi, really I'll understand if you have to edit this one. Sorry, Frank. I did. But please! Go to his site and read his weekly recap of this feature for the real answer. Very clever. But unbloggable. Sigh.
Bud: You not arrogant, just a total butt-head. Enjoy life alone, moron.
Sp1nners: Your fly is open
(Call me crazy but that simple answer just cracked me up)
Anyhow: Stay away! I don't want my clothes to smell of garbage! Back I say! BACK!
Lyn: NO, NONE, ZERO is the women that would be interested in you after that revelation. (So true, Lyn. So true.)
Ian: No, no, you're the very PICTURE of humility and restraint. *backs away*
Bond: You sir are a incredibly philosophical conundrum with an obtuse, nescient ability to be extremely tedious with an affinity for repugnance. What I find is true is you inutile. (Mimi searching for dictionary)
Epiphany: You sound charming. Shall I take you home so you can insult my Momma? I warn you, though, she's Irish and has a pretty sharp right cross...
SGT DUB: And this is your best pick up line?
5. My main goals in life are to built a house, have a son and plant a tree.
Frank: Sounds like good old Uncle Murphy found a new poster boy for his new book of laws. You can't spell, aren't very handy, shoot blanks, and have a black thumb. Let's test this. Leave and lets see if the door hits you in the a?? on the way out.
Bud: So no time for dating, sweet talk or foreplay?
Sp1nners: Well my goals are to wreck a home and plant an ex...2 out of 3 ain't bad. Are you rich?
Anyhow: I think you will find all you need in 'The Game of LIFE'. And it costs less than 20 bucks too.
Lyn: You could adopt and skip the dating scene altogether
Ian: I'll give you the tree and the house, and I'll pay real money to watch you have a son. I hear the episiotomy is hell.
Bond: Having goals is important. Now let’s hope you do not get mixed up and try and plant your son and build a tree.
Epiphany: And so you're looking for someone to maintain the house, raise the son, and water the tree? Sorry, pass.
SGT DUB: 3 out of 4 singles recommend some new goals.
6. My match comes down to weather I find you attractive. For me, that attraction starts with physical looks. Yeah, yeah that makes me a shallow bastard I know but looks are high on my list.
Frank: Looks like another COLD FRONT has set in.
Bud: Brains, however, are not high on your list. Enjoy the weather, cuz you won’t get dates this way.
Sp1nners: Shouldn't it be "butt" looks are high on your list?
Anyhow: I know lots of hot maniquins, want me to introduce them to you?
Lyn: And that puts you on the bottom of mine.
Ian: Today's Tip for the Single Man: Don't describe yourself as a shallowbastard in your profile. It won't get you (Mimi censored).
Bond: It is obvious that intelligence is not high on your list. The forecast is for an underwhelming amount of interest.
Epiphany: No, this match comes down to whether your ad is interesting enough for me to hit the "send email" button. And this hot chick is clicking on "next profile".
SGT DUB: A storm approaches, and it looks like hail.
7. Catch Your Eyes?
Frank: Morticia: Gomez, Pugsley's starting another eye collection.Gomez: Well, Mon Cherie, we were out of Bruin.Morticia: OOHHhh! Gomez! You know I love it when you speak French.Gomez: Cara Mia!fade to black (I loved Addams family as a kid. Lights, camera, action.
I always loved it when Gomez said "My beautiful, Morticia" and kissed her arm in that silly way. Such fun.)
Bud: Only if they fall down, dude.
Sp1nners: Drop your brain?
Anyhow: No thanks, I think I'd prefer them to stay in my sockets where they're safe.
Lyn: Geeze O' Man! Did they fall out again?.
Ian: Dude! This is Mims. Don't make me grab that beep button again.
Bond: Not planning on throwing them any time soon. I like them where they are.
Epiphany: Yes. I must've been rolling them pretty hard for them to
wind up over there.
SGT DUB: Oh, sorry, I get told I look like that pirate on Pirates of the Caribbean, let me put it back in.
8. I think of myself as intelligent, and am looking for a smart woman. My motto is, you can't think of everything. But you should try. (NOTE: This was his entire profile)
Frank: Maybe you should follow your own motto. Then you can start thinking of yourself as the real idiot you are.
Bud: My motto is YOU can’t think of anything, cuz dude that was lame.
Sp1nners: Here's a thought...Go Away
Anyhow: You can start by thinking how you got yourself such a lousy motto.
Lyn: You didn't try real hard to think of everything for this profile did ya?
Ian: Do you realize that between him and me, we know everything there is to be knowed? He knows everything except that he's a FREAKIN' MORON...and _I_know that.
Bond: I am smart enough to know that three incomplete sentences but it is nice to know that your motto pretty much sums up your whole being
Epiphany: Catchy. I'm surprised that hasn't been branded.
SGT DUB: Did you think this would work smart guy?
9. Lets see. I have arms and legs, 10 fingers and 10 toes.
I want the same thing every other guy wants, but I typically go about different ways of getting it. I like to think I'm clever, but I'm not sure how well that is working out for me.
Frank: And you never will know. We have a way of keeping those things to ourselves.
Bud: It always working for you. That’s why you are trying to find a date on a computer. Oh, you ain’t so clever, either, but since you like thinking that, carry on.
Sp1nners: Maybe you should date the person in No. 7. I think he has your eyes. (Ha!)
Anyhow: Someone once said "Believe in yourself and others will believe in you". This proves it isn't always true.
Lyn: Most men think they are being clever when they are being a doofus, try being a doofus and impress us. (You crack me up)
Ian: Well, let's start by getting you some shoes and teaching you to count past 21 when you're not naked...
Bond: Let’s see, I have one brain and that is obviously more then you can handle. (oooooo.....)
Epiphany: Hate to break it to you...not so much.
SGT DUB: Well, for starters, your parents weren’t related to each other before the marriage, as for wanting what other guys want, rejection is just around the corner.
10. Are you my future X?
Frank: Y yes, but I'll start being your X yesterday.
Bud: Let’s cut to the chase. Can I already be an EX? (very funny boyfriend...Ha!)
Sp1nners: Yup, already have an attorney and ready to start collecting that alimony.
Anyhow: Y R U asking such A lame S question? Can't U C U won't B meeting NEbody like this?
Lyn: My future X ran off with your future X, doesn't mean I want you as a consolation prize.
Ian: I think you have to have a single date first before you can call someone your "ex
Bond: Most definitely, so let’s just skip the other part and go right to the X part
Epiphany: No. I've decided to beat the rush and just start hating you now.
SGT DUB: That depends, what’s the balance in your checkbook?
TIE BREAKER: just be yourself not something your not if your something your not how can you not be yourself!!!
Frank: If A=B, and B=C, then A=C. True?In your caseA= AsinineB=BoorishC= CrassAnd guess what. It's true. Real logic doesn't lie. You are yourself.
Sp1nners: I'm schitzophrenic and so am I
Anyhow: Be contented. There, wasn't that much easier to say Einstein?
Lyn: I was so myself until I could not be myself anymore but I just acted myself and I couldn't not be myself again.
Ian: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Tom Cruise to the program!
Bond: Because by not being something I am not then I certainly can not be anything that wants you, so I will be who I am and that is someone without you and your lunacy
Epiphany: How can you have any pudding if you haven't finished your meat?
SGT DUB: I feel like a dog who just chased his tail, make the room stop spinning.
2nd place Sp1nners from My Life As We Think I Know It with 9 points.
3rd place was a 4-way tie between Frank, Ian, Epiphany and Lyn with 7 points each
3rd place Tie-breaking winning answer Frank Sirianni
Points were all over the place this week. FUNNY FUNNY ANSWERS!!
You really brought your A game.
4 comments:
Man, this blog is happenin'! It still makes me laugh.
You may not remember me. My name is Nate Smith from http://nateisablog.blogspot.com. I haven't been bloggin' for a while, but I'm back! So check me out. Thanks.
YAY Bondbaby!!!
Congratulations, Bond, on a fine win!
*shakes hands via intarweb thingie*
Ian
Can I just say that if, in your personal ad, you say something like, "But I don't know how well that's working for me" then it obviously isn't working. Oh, and you obviously ain't gonna get play with that level of self-deprecation.
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