Round 15 Winner is............

Forgive me, folks. This post is later than usual. I'm on vacation with my Prince (that would be Bud Weiser )and we have been quite busy and happy. Except when I cook and well.....that's just indigestion.
Don't ask.

Tonight however, after much laughter and discussion we have come to a startling and unpredictable conclusion! You won't believe who came out on top. And with these questions - it wasn't easy. Tough to make funny out of these bizarre bachelor bits but you managed, once again, to give it your best shot.
Thanks to all who competed and please come back next week.
Here we go.....

Blue = Funniest = 3 points

Green = 2 points

Yellow = 1 point

1. Looking to meet someone who will last.

Anyhow: Let me introduce you to the mummys in Egypt. They have lasted for more than 50 centuries.
Uncle Artemus: Those approaching their expiration date need not apply.
Epiphany: They just don't make 'em like they used to.
Frank: What? Now we need 'Best By Dates' stamped on our....Has yours expired?
Turnbaby: How many have you worn out?
Lyn: I hear the Energizer Bunny is single, he should be back from his vacation with the aliens soon
Ian: But if he can’t break the thirty second mark, how does he expect to find someone else who will?
Limey: Hannibal, have you tried Tupperware?

2. If Love were Oil, I'd be a quart low!

Anyhow: If Love were Oil, you'd proably have to get out and start walking.
Uncle Artemus: Maybe you need a new filter.
Epiphany: Too bad I'm not a gas station.
Frank: Another typical male, always blowing smoke and passing back-fires.
Turnbaby: If you were a car, I'd be taking the bus
Lyn: I think you missed a few scheduled maintenance appointments.
Ian: And then your engine would seize up.
Limey: Could this explain the knocking in your big-end?

3. Hey, how are all u laides doing?

Anyhow: Vrey fnie wtihuot you, tnhaks.
Uncle Artemus: Hey man, I think your chains are tangled in your chest hair and choking off the circulation to your brain.
Epiphany: One track mind, eh?
Frank: You must be in running for the Eighth Wonder of the Ancient World, for this is Greek to me.
Turnbaby: Hey, who are you calling a laide?!?!
Lyn: Doing Peachy keen, I was just fixing to ordering a protective toof case to keep my teef in.
Ian: Im 11 and want 2 meet u 4 now. Text me <3<3<3”>Limey: How typical! you just assume we're not virgins.

4. I'm the stunt double for Mr. Right. I am currently attending ULM.

Anyhow: So obviously you arn't Mr Right, but just a 2nd class nobody trying to make it big.
Uncle Artemus: Oh good. Does that mean when Mr. Right comes along I get to throw you out of a helicopter?
Epiphany: Wouldn't that make you Mr Wrong, college boy?
Frank: Too bad you fell a little to Mr.'s left. I'm now enrolling in LMAO
Turnbaby: So sorry Mr Right just called and told me he's happy to do his own stunts.
Lyn: I've dated Mr. I'm always Right, Mr. Right Now, Mr. Never go the Right Way and Mr. Must Own the Right Car. So, which Right clan do you belong to?
Ian: Which means that Mr. Right gets the chick and this guy gets thrown through a plate glass window. Got it. Good thing he’s getting a useful degree in Fry Cooking from the University of Loser Mentality
Limey: I bet you've seen some cunning stunts down at the Unfulfilled
Librarians Meetings

5. I really hate this because i can't really think.

Anyhow: If you can't even think of how to praise yourself, I wonder how you would be able to praise any girl that you might like.
Uncle Artemus: Yes, thinking bad. Thinking very bad! Go home now Bobo!
Epiphany: I just really hate this.
Frank: Tick, tick, tick....Click
Turnbaby: Really?
Lyn: Well don't think twice about it, after all you couldn't get it right the first time.
Ian: What better way to convince someone you’re not a loser than by starting off saying you’re stupid?
Limey: I should waste an evening with you, why exactly?

6. I aspire to be a better person, I am attached to my daughters. What's your hobby?

Anyhow: Aspire to be a better person = Was a loser before. Attached to my daughters Probably divorced, or even worse, still married. What's your hobby? = Uncreative personality
Uncle Artemus: My hobby? I enjoy attaching myself to moving vehicles with giant suction cups.
Epiphany: Wait a minute...is your hobby that you're attached to your daughters or aspiring to be a better person?
Frank: Bounty Hunting...I think you'd better come with me.
Turnbaby: There is surgery that will correct that
Lyn: My Hobby is avoiding weird fathers abnormally attached to their daughters.
Ian: With advances in modern surgical techniques, that can be corrected now.
Limey: Underwater Stamp Collecting.... although thinking about your family getting ready for work/school every morning, makes it seem less
challenging.

7. Here's the hard part, trying to impart my personality to those that don't know me.

Anyhow: That's because you don't have any.
Uncle Artemus: You mean if I talk to you I might get some of your personality on me? Get Away! Back, back I say!
Epiphany: No, the hard part is trying to impart your personality without seeming like a total jerk
Frank: You might be right, but thank God the easy part is 'Click here for new profile'
Turnbaby: Maybe it's easier not to try
Lyn: You don't know me...I don't know you, lets keep it this way shall we. Ian: Here goes:
Limey: Here's the hard part.... trying to extract the toe of my boot from guys that are "wonderful once you get to know them".

8. Please allow myself to introduce myself.

Anyhow: Please allow yourself to introduce yourself to the exit.
Uncle Artemus: Cuuute. Let me guess, you live in your mom's basement and know every line of every Austin Powers movie and quote them regularly to impress girls.
Epiphany: Hi, Sybil.
Frank: Pleasure's all mine, I'm Sybil, and Tommy, and Jill, and Henry, and Judy, and Louise, and.......
Turnbaby: We are not amused.
Lyn: Dear self: Before you start swearing at your scanner for refusing to work, it helps to make sure it's actually hooked up to the computer.
Ian: I’m a man of no wealth and poor taste.
Limey: When did the 'Narcissistic Multiple Personality Disorder' convention get to town?

9. My friends tell me my life has been so interesting I should write a biography.

Anyhow: How come your friends know more about your life than you do?
Uncle Artemus: You should get new friends. The ones you have are obviously idiots.
Epiphany: Your friends lie.
Frank: I can wait for the movie to come out on BETA.
Turnbaby: Nah--they say you should write what you know.
Lyn: Glad to see i am not the only one to think that, I have long considered my dream job to be his personal assistant....Not
Ian: If they’d been better friends, they might have suggested he write an autobiography
Limey: Are you a mechanic? It could be an Autobiography.

10. Looking For the Girl Next Door

Anyhow: She moved away because of you remember?
Uncle Artemus: I just wish I could remember where I live.
Epiphany: Are you directionally impaired? Try next door.
Frank: The 'Girl Next' Door is located between the lavatories and the cockpit. It's the one with the red handle. Peanuts? Have a nice day. Buh-bye.
Turnbaby: She's in the witness protection program.
Lyn: Here's a thought, Did you look next door?
Ian: Is this how Registered Sex Offenders begin their personal ads? Knock knock “Hi, I’m Brick McJerkstiff and I’ve been watching you through your bedroom window
Limey: I know that some of these dating services tell you to be specific, but wouldn't it be easier to just hop the fence and ring the doorbell?


Congratulations to First Place Winner and First-Time Competitor
Turnbaby
from And As the World Turns

2nd Place - Epiphany Alone



3rd Place - Uncle Artemus

See you next week. I'll be back - and lonely.