Round Five Requires a Tie-Breaker Question........

 Bud and Frank of Frank's Black and White Art Blog/Honk 'n Hollr have tied for first place. They tied in Round 2 also! They must supply a comeback to this challenge to break the tie and email their answer to me by noon tomorrow (Wednesday). Here's the (appropriate) headline:

"I Can Black Tie"

Now scroll down and read this week's hysterical competition. Thanks to all who participated. This was great fun. You are one funny bunch of folks.

The Dating Profiles Comeback Challenge Round 5 was very interesting. Seven funny competitors with different styles and humor. I laughed more this week than any other week. It was a blast! I recently heard someone say
:"Humor is a relative concept" and he is right.  What is funny to one is not necessarily funny to another. And at any given time my perception of what is funny could change - depending on my mood or simply how the prompt/question/cue reads the second time around. Nothing scientific here. I'm just after a laugh-out-loud moment. OK ! OK! Enough already...just tell us the winner, Mims. Here are the questions and each individual contestant's answer.The contestant with the most tickles this week is.................But wait! Congratulations to last week's winner Epiphany Alone. Check out her blog!. Here we go.....finally. Drumroll please.

#1 I'm a former model so talk dark and handsome usually applies...unless ive been out of the gym for a couple weeks.

Bud: In two weeks you go to, short, pale and bald? Can’t wait to see THAT.
Heather: Oh yea. A talk, dark, handsome former model who can't type looking for love on the Internet. *Yawn*
Karen: and then you’re shorter?
Lyn: So let me get this strait, Out of the gym your short, grey and butt ugly?
Frank: I'm a former Tanning Salon owner. I know that tall dark and handsome doesn't come in a bottle so you'd better head back to the gym for at least a couple of weeks. Oh and ive, is that short for Ivan?
Bond: And then you become mute, pale and ugly? If so, give me a call.

~Basiorana: Wow, you get shorter and lighter when you stop going to the gym? Hey, call Michael Jackson, he may want to know your technique!

#2 If there's no wind, fly a kite together!

Bud: If there’s no water, let’s dive into a pool together! If there is no snow, let’s ski together! If there is no… 
Heather: Dude, you look ridiculous dragging that kite behind you 
Karen: Doing something completely futile is a great way to spend a first date!
Lyn: Ok, I'll hold the kite and you run down that pier there.
Frank: Sounds like kind of a drag to me
Bond:If there’s no pier…walk off it alone.
Basiorana: I'll hold the string and you go jump off the building.
 

#3 My best feature is my sense of humor, I find almost everything funny, and will jump in with, sometimes inappropriate, comments.

Bud: Most single people are standing in line to meet folks who make inappropriate comments. Now where is that line? 
Heather: There's nothing funny about Tourette's Syndrome.
Karen:Has commas, and will use, sometimes in inappropriate places, until I laugh or expire from boredom and grammatical distress.
Frank: I've got a great sense of humor, and I know it's appropriate to say that I find you kind of funny. Buh-bye!
Bond: Truly?…almost everything…let’s test out that theory… DROP DEAD!
Laughing yet?
Basiorana: My best feature is my sense of smell, and I can already tell you're a stinker.

#4 My momma said girls are da devil. 

Bud:  Momma lied. You are da devil. 
Heather: My momma said never argue with crazy people. 
Karen: She was right. Consider boys.
Lyn: Momma's Boy
Frank: She probably gave you an apple and got you kicked out of the garden too.
Bond: True, and I am going to stick you with my pitchfork because you are done.
Basiorana: Wow, your momma had low self esteem... or hormone treatments...

#5 ...I DO NOT like fakes and/or liars, so if you are either, please do NOT contact me

Bud:  Oh that ought to stop them. Fakes and liars are always so self aware.
Heather: Lovely baggage you've got there. So nice when all the pieces match.
 Karen: How do you feel about lakes and/or friars?
Lyn: I'm the girl for you..opps sorry I was lying 
Frank: Trust me when I say THESE ARE REAL, AND/(no OR here), I just DO NOT LIKE YOU.
Bond: Me? A fake and a liar. Not at all. Let me describe myself to you. I am 5’6”, long blonde hair down to my waist, I am a Playboy playmate…I love men who are not handsome in the least, my 40DDD are all natural…
Basiorana: I am a COMPLETE fake. Everything about me is fake. 100% plastic. I'm also a total liar, as evidenced by the previous statement. That, however, is not why I'm not contacting you

#6 I am the kind of guy who has spent his whole life dating younger women because of immaturity. I have realized this and want to change. I like working on my hotrod and bike when the time allows.

Bud: Old fart ladies love watching old fart guys work on their hotrod and bike. You are onto something.
Heather: don't need to know Dionne Warwick to predict you'll have plenty of time to work on your car and bike. (Mims is giggling.....)
 Karen: I am the kind of girl who has never been immature enough to date the kind of guy like you. I have realized this and want to stay this way. I’m glad you have your hotrod and bike, so you’ll have something to work on while I don’t date you.
Lyn: Seems like old times
Frank: Don't you think it's about time you take those training wheels off?
Bond: Is that a hotwheels bike? I loved them when I was a kid…
Basiorana: Clearly, you've moved straight from immaturity to mid-life crisis. Congratulations.

#7 Let's get happy together

Bud: Turtles song in 1967. I already have it. But thanks.
Heather: The Turtles?! The best you got is The Turtles?!! Karen: Rejoice! A great creative mind has been given unto us! 
Lyn: I'll get happy over here and you can get happy over there. (HA!!)Frank: You go get happy by yourself. I don't like being the third wheel.
Bond:OK, you start without me and if I am not there in a few days, I got lost.
Or
Maybe I will make like a turtle and go into my shell.
Basiorana: You're leaving already?

#8 I just like to meet new people because the old people have started to rot.

Bud:  It is SO obvious that you prior dates were with fish. 
Heather: Oh! That explains the smell in your basement.
Karen: Sounds like you need better refrigeration or a shovel, maybe both.
Lyn: Maybe you need to wash your face, that may be your upper lip your smelling.
Frank: Oh that. That garnish I put in your martini is an attitude seed. Now drink it all up and go grow a new one.
Bond: Damn that happened to me too… but I just bought a new deep freezer and it solved the problem..
Basiorana: Oo, a touch of formaldehyde ought to fix that problem in a jiff... May I suggest, though, that you clean out your closet a bit more often?

#9 My feeling on love-at-first-sight is it can happen its rare butt you can find it .

Bud: I will bet my rare butt that this is your way of trying to get sex on the first date. Strange and subtle. 
Heather: I prefer my butt medium well.
 Karen: Might find that feeling more often if you were focusing your eyes on the OTHER end of a person…
Frank: Love-at-first-sight's rare butt would much prefer that you get your hand off it. Now look up...No, higher...That's much better...Now read my lips...SEE YA! (Frank....you are so silly.)
Bond: If that is true...see if you fall for me and my butt as I walk away.
Basiorana: How sweet. Next time you find a rare butt, seize the opportunity! (You'd be much less annoying in jail.)

#10 I really don't have any problem finding a one night stand, but finding a good woman is really hard to find.

Bud: If you can’t see the cause and effect here, I can’t help you. Other than I bet you have trouble finding a one-minute-stand. 
Heather: Maybe you're just finding you'll find that a good woman doesn't want to hear all about your conquests. *** (Sooo true, Miss Heather) 
Karen: Another bedpost-notcher proving the old adage, “Can’t see the forest for the trees.”
Lyn: Once they had you they didn't want anymore
 Frank: That's because good women hide behind your other night stand