November 20, 2006

Comeback Competition Heats Up! It's a Tie!

Here are the contenders for this week's Saturday Comeback Challenge (aka The Dating Profiles Comeback Challenge) 
I received two at the last minute via email. Here are the questions and each individual contestant's answer. I have highlighted the ones that tickled my funny bone in each case. The contestant with the most tickles wins. (Isn't that scientific?) I thought so.

#1 "Are you sure you want honesty?"

Jan: Why? Is it a foreign concept for you?
WanderingGirl: It's better than VD.
Bud: Sure it is what I want. But why should you be any different?Paul: No, I wouldn't want you to be a traitor to your gender.
Frank: I'm just the bartender. Tip me and you can lie all you want.
L.B. Jeffries: Good Lord, no. I just want to make sure we're always clear with one another.

#2 "Close My Eyes just ta Look at you."

Jan: Then dream of being with me. It's the only way it's going to happen.
Bazza: Because, believe me, you ain't no oil-painting!
Wandering Girl: I'm not that ugly.
Bud: Good idea. Count to 30. I'll so SO long gone.
Paul: And I open mine to click NEXT!
Frank: Hey now! My fly wasn't open.

#3 "I'm a rounded person."

Jan: Darn, I'm square hole.
Bazza: The cops rounded him up yesterday.
Wandering Girl: Round is a shape.
Bud: Really round? Charlie Brown round?
Paul: Rounded? Is that code for 'obese'?
Frank: Then how come I feel cornered.
LB Jeffries: And as sharp as a marble to boot!

#4 "Cheese in search of macaroni"

Jan: I'm sorry. I'm lactose intolerant.
Bud: Person in search of exit.
Paul: Poetry. Sheer poetry.
Frank: Tofu in search of taste!
LB Jeffries: Must love being warm and served with Fried Chicken!

#5 "Nice dog seeks poodle to pamper."

Jan: Damn. I'm too much of a b&*&h for you.
Wandering Girl: I gave up diapers years ago.
Bud: Better check out a few kennels. Bring newspaper.
Paul: I don't have time for paper training.
Frank: ByLaw Officer seeks your tag and registration.
LB Jeffries: Sizes may not vary

#6 " Tree hugging mammal seeks same"

Jan: Shucks. I'm a lumber jill.
Bud: Hug the tree. Three's a crowd.
Frank: Beaver family needing new home.

#7 "What's this button do?"

Jan: It's an ejection button. Goodbye.
Bud: It's my new asshole ejector. Watch! Byyyyeeeeee!
Paul: It's your navel, you idiot. Pull out the lint and you'll see.
Frank: What's that camcorder for?
LBJeffries: Resolve idiot questions.

#8 "I sometimes perform music in public and ride my motorcycle for fun."

Jan: Damn. I'm looking for someone who plays music in public and rides motorcycles for fun.
Bud: I imagine that draws a crowd. Hey everyone! Here comes the yodeling bike rider again!
Paul: I thought Jerry Garcia was dead.
Frank: I like Liszt and drink Sidecars.
LB Jeffries: I tried to combine the two once but people would only pay me with mini-flags.

#9 "Deeper than I look."

Jan: Yes, but far shallower than I care for.
Bazza: You just have to be.
Bud: Let me tell you a secret, you'd have to be.
Paul: I guess I may get my ankles wet then.
Frank: Well?
LB Jeffries: And wider than I think.

#10 "I am love able."

Jan: I'm hate able. Yup.....I hate you.
Bud: But not do able.
Paul: They are doing wonders with pharmaceuticals these days, aren't they?
Frank: I'm just not flex ible.
LB Jeffries: That's what the doctor says the pill will do anyways.

#11 "Looking for my sole mate."

Jan: Sorry. Got all the shoes I can wear.
Bud: Try the aquarium
Paul: I recommend a Pinot Grigio
Frank: My sock there, too. I'm always one short on laundry day.
LB Jeffries: I think I left her at the Bowling Alley

#12 "I'm not bald. I just shave my head."

Jan: Really? So do I!
Bazza: And I'm not blind but I have to wear these dark glasses because the sun is relecting off your cranium.
Wandering Girl: Because I'm going bald.
Bud: I suppose you're not 'dumb as a rock" either. You just "don't use your brain."
Paul: All the better to see the skin flake off your scalp.
Frank: I'm not overweight. I just test elevators for Otis.
LB Jeffries: Why is everything a stereotype with you?

#13 "Ready to settle"

Wandering Girl: Apparently willing to settle for less.
Bud: Too late. That ship has sailed.
Paul: Get a setter. I recommend Irish.
Frank: We haven't even drafted the prenup
Paul: As soon as you go first.

#14 "Let's wach a video in front of the fireplace with some chinese."

Jan: I don't know any Chinese.
Wandering Girl: Will I get to see OneHungLow?
Bud: Great. You bring the DVD player that won’t melt in the fire and I’ll bring Mai Pao. Mai is a very good Chinese person.
Lee: How many? (Ba duh bum)
Paul: I suppose you'll want to split the 21.95 that will cost.
Frank: I'll be by the pool with some Italian.
LB Jeffries: That way, people won't think we're so racist.
Congratulations to Bud and Frank of Honk N Hollr - who most tickled my bones.
A close second and one funny girl in her own right is JAN!
Thanks to all and please try again to knock Bud off his winning streak (this is his second week as winner)


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I thank you. I would like to thank the academy...

Good job Frank!