September 13, 2006

Bachelor #69 "For my next trick I'll need a volunteer."

He needs a psychiatrist.

Randall, from Farmington (first clue: a hoity-toity name in a dull sounding town; never works) has quite obviously posted a fake movie star's picture - not sure who that is but I know I've seen him in re-runs somewhere..maybe Father Knows Best.......I'll check - and two other photographs who are positively THREE different people. One with wild wiry hair sticking straight up on his head - someone apparently just released from an asylum - and the other is of a smiling beady-eyed bald man.

Now I realize, folks, that this is probably some college kid with a bad case of spoofitis or a mad scientist's social experiment but let's just pretend for a moment that there really could be an internet dater with this much audacity.
OK. You've had your moment.
Read aforementioned bachelors #1-68 and you won't have a hard time with that concept at all.

Let's investigate further.
Says his style of humor is "obscure" and that he is "more comfortable in small groups." All multiple personality disorders being equal I'd say that's accurate. Psychosis is beginning to seep in, however. "I live alone with my birds" he writes. Another misnomer.
He is apparently living with at least two other lunatics and now we discover there are flying pets involved.

I am not having a good dating day.

And about that Hollywood pic. If he's trying to be attractive to the opposite sex why not choose a studlier stud....maybe Clooney (my hero) or one of those amazing firefighters wearing a hardhat on a calendar. If he's going for first impressions I'd say he needs to up the ante. Pops is OK but let's be honest here. I'm already bartering down on brains. I need a few tight abs to even the pot (as it were).

Per your original request, sir, I will gladly be your volunteer if you'll just disappear and take all your friends with you. Now, if you'll excuse me I have an appointment with a long black couch.

"Yes, Doctor. I just spent an hour of my precious life writing a blog post about an imaginary man in a little relationship ad box."

"And what have you learned, my dear?"

"Well, I tried my mimiest to outspoof this spoofer but realized in the end that he's actually the perfect representations of all the other misrepresentations."

I so need a life.

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